Buying Love, Credit Cards Accepted

To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia.”

– H.L. Mencken

The global Gift Card industry is valued at more than $90 billion today and is set to hit $100 billion by 2012. For  pieces of folded cardboards which serve as nothing more than lubricants to the dysfunctional emotional chains of today’s society, that is quite a substantial amount.

The Wholesale flower industry in India gained about 15 Crore Rupees on February 13 and 14 last years with the love struck lads of the capital pushing up Rose prices to Rs 50 per stem.

Love, they say, is an alchemical extraveganza which causes one to see everything “decorated” in a MAGICAL reddish hue, a colour so overwhelmingly blissful that money becomes mere paper and the smile of your partner is of utmost significance. I beg to disagree, I think this reddish hue originates from the slaughter of the love struck Romeo’s monthly budget plans. The meagre pocket money that they are entitled to goes into buying confetti covered flowers and scandalously overpriced stuffed toys. (Aren’t they basically just cloth stuffed with cotton )

Valentine’s Day can be renamed as  “Wallet’s Dying” Day. This yearly financial drain causes a hole in our pockets that would make the financial crisis in Greece seem like a walk in the park. Mr. Obama, How about a Bail Out Package for those struck by arrows de l’Amour?

To bring this piece to fitting closure, I would like to quote the American Comedian Jerry Seinfeld, “Greeting Cards are like paper hookers, You don’t know what you feel and what you want to say to the other person, so you pay someone a buck for them to convey your feelings for you.”

The Ill- Fitted Suit

Who invented the suit? ( No it was not Barney Stinson) And how come we never got beyond suits. Why is it that the suit has, even after so many years, remained almost the same?Is it the most perfect of garments, having invented which, mankind decided ” THIS is what I will wear, to every marriage I attend, to my marriage, to every formal meeting, to all the important places in my life & even when I lie in my grave.”

And why do we feel that if we tie a silk rope-like garment conveniently called a “Tie”, around our necks, we look better. I think not, I believe that the only use a tie can serve is to serve as a convenient hankerchief incase you forgot yours at home.

I think the tie is just a myth in fashion, the only reason why women like men who wear ties is because women want to be assured that anytime they want, they can easily strangle men, in case the man does not toe the line. 😛

The bow-tie is another example of the female domination and the meekness of man in anything sartorial. The bow tie is like the ribbon tied on a puppy.  Man here is the lowly pomeranian who may strut around on the street barking at others as much as he wants, but at home domination lies firmly with the female species.

And speaking of the fairer sex what about  female wedding trousseau, Women wear sarees longer than the river nile, with there midriffs exposed during the freezing cold temperatures, precariously balancing themselves on 10 inch heels.

Make up is another area I dont understand, specially for Indian marriages, I mean, isn’t it quite obvious that the bride is supposed to look good, she isn’t exactly surprising us with hitherto unmatched beauty.. Indian brides have so many layers of make up on that one could change the girl and no one would notice !

And if it is obvious that the bride will look good at her wedding, what is the use of spending so much money on her dresses & make up, can’t she just pin up a notice on a normal dress saying, “I am the Bride, I am looking stunning.If you don’t think so, no food for you, get out.Period.”

P.S. The title may seem slightly out of place, but I was inspired to write this piece after I heard from almost everyone I knew  at a wedding that I was wearing a suit too big for me. Thus the credit of this post goes to that Ill fitted suit of mine.